Milestones and Memories

Let me just say that this post is a break from the ‘norm’ in terms of what this site is about.  But I am going to take my challenge and do something for myself…make this completely about me and share my emotions.

The last fifteen hours I’ve been on an emotional roller coaster.  I’ve had friends lose a child and another lose a mother. I’ve spent the last few weeks getting ready for my son to start kindergarten and tomorrow is the big day.  Today has been difficult hurting for my friends while being excited for my son.  Their loss and my child’s milestone aren’t connected, but I can’t help but feel somewhat guilty in enjoying my child’s high while friends are suffering the most severe pain I can imagine. 

Not to de-sensitize their tragedies, but for my child’s sake I have to treat this like it would be no different than if I had a bad day at work.  I can’t let it take away from celebrating and providing the emotional energies that this major milestone, more importantly he, deserves. 

Our bedtime ritual always includes some dialogue and usually some silly play with tickling and being silly.  Just before I lay him down to sleep, I sing a song that I have sung since he was a newborn.  Tonight was no different except for the surge of emotions that I experienced while on the second verse.  As I looked into his eyes, I became so emotionally choked up that I could no longer sing, and as if he knew I needed him to ‘pick up Mommy’s slack’ he picked up right where I left off and sang until the last word where I joined him in finishing the song.  While gazing into his eyes and thinking about how hard it is to believe that we are on the eve of his first day of Kindergarten, I realized; my child was going to sleep my baby, but would be waking up my little man. 

Today, I’ve done a great deal of crying.  Crying with tears of bittersweet joy about my child starting Kindergarten and crying with tears of pain for the loss my friends are experiencing.  Before each of us goes to sleep tonight, I’m sure we’ll shed a few more tears or possibly cry ourselves to sleep.  

Tomorrow, I look forward to walking my child to the intersection of a new path in his life.  I can’t/won’t always be there to tell him which direction to take or when to slow down and re-energize, or speed up and get to the next mile marker.  But what I will do is be the best training coach.  When his shoes become worn, I’ll help him find the right shoe so that he is properly supported.  When he becomes dehydrated, I’ll make sure he has the fluids to keep his system in balance and when his energy stores become low, I’ll provide the fuel he needs to keep going.  It goes without saying that I will always be the loudest fan with the biggest signs cheering him on along the way.

“You are my sunshine, my only sunshine…..”

Goodnight my baby.

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3 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Lester Wallace Jr(POP)
    Aug 26, 2010 @ 06:05:57

    Welcome to parenthood. Iam proud of your progression as a Parent with each passing day of Tyler’s life.

    DAD

    Reply

  2. Shannon Johnson
    Aug 26, 2010 @ 12:10:21

    I agree totally with you. The night before reading the news, I was having my one on one time with my daughter and I felt this overwhelming feeling to just hold her tight for no reason. I thought how blessed am I to have her, my son and the little one that grows inside in my life. Thinking what would my life be without them and their lives without me.
    I received a wonderful text that sums up everything you said. “the secret of survival is not simply enjoying lifes joys and enduring it’s sorrows it’s in sharing both with other…” I would like to thank you for sharing both your heart and mind with all of us.

    Reply

  3. Sidney
    Aug 26, 2010 @ 15:39:24

    THIS : “I can’t/won’t always be there to tell him which direction to take or when to slow down and re-energize, or speed up and get to the next mile marker. But what I will do is be the best training coach. When his shoes become worn, I’ll help him find the right shoe so that he is properly supported. When he becomes dehydrated, I’ll make sure he has the fluids to keep his system in balance and when his energy stores become low, I’ll provide the fuel he needs to keep going. It goes without saying that I will always be the loudest fan with the biggest signs cheering him on along the way.”

    As I navigate the sketchy map of good parenting, at the end of the day, this is exactly what I hope to accomplish. Thanks so much for sharing these special moments and milestones with the world.

    Reply

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