A Visit From My 6 Year Old Self

Today I’m feeling very free spirited, almost giggly, just like a little girl, and frankly I LOVE how I’m feeling!!!

Maybe it is the green glittered polish on my fingers and the yellow polish on my toes.

Today feels like one of those walk barefoot in the grass (clearly I’m a G.R.I.T.S. -Girl Raised In The South), eat ice cream, run through the sprinkler, play Ring Around The Rosies, catch lightening bugs in Mason jars kind of days. My 6 year old self is wanting to come out and play today so I indulged her with some chocolate ice cream, which seemed to please her. I think the only thing that could have been better would have been a Snoopy Sno Cone machine and an Easy Bake Oven ;-D.

Maybe it is me feeling summer vacation coming to an end and connecting with my son and most other children getting ready to head back to school. Maybe it is that I’ve been so busy just ‘going’ that I haven’t taken time to stop and enjoy the little things that make summer special. Trust, I’m not complaining, just acknowledging the randomness in today’s feelings.

So today, I have and will continue spending some of those 86,400 seconds enjoying the visit from my 6 year old self. Feelings like this don’t come often, so I will cherish and appreciate this rare state of mind. I do hope she comes back to visit more often.

Note:
As wonderfully cute and adorable as that little girl is…..that isn’t me.

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The Bittersweet Side of Friendship

Hearing the words, “it looks like we’re moving to New York” were some of the most stinging words I’ve heard in my life. I felt a pain in my gut and my eyes instantly filled with tears (as they are as I’m typing this and just as they do just about every time I think about this). These were the words my best friend shared as she told a few of us the news about a great career opportunity. It truly is a wonderful job and I am sincerely happy for her and feel that she, her family and New York are a good fit. But of course there is the selfish, emotional side that thinks of……me.

We have both endured very personal highs and lows over the past few years, and although one of us was directly impacted, the other emotionally absorbed a little of each experience. With this situation it is twofold, I can’t deny the tremendous and well deserved opportunity this is for her and her family, but I can’t ignore the pain this is causing me.
I know she will be a phone call, text message, email and short plane ride away, but there is something about being able to ‘lay eyes and hands on (not in the Biblical sense)’ someone; that is a luxury I won’t have with ease anymore. I know that giving into my feelings of grief only cheats me of the few days I have before she moves so I will try to focus on being in the moment for any time we have in each others presence before she leaves.

If there is one thing I’ve learned over the past few years it is the priceless value of true friendship and a conversation over drinks with her was the catalyst for me realizing this. It was a very candid conversation about friendships and the lack of support at times when friends were needed more during a particular time than ever and I was one of those people. It was definitely a talk that can only be had by true friends where one says to the other, you weren’t there like I needed and that message is received with the same genuine love in which it was delivered. I can say this conversation made me question the ‘friendships’ in my life and more importantly made me evaluate the friend that I was to people. My self evaluation was embarrassing to say the least. I wasn’t proud of the friend I had been to people I claimed to care about. During a recent conversation over dinner with my friend that is moving and another dear friend, I had a minor emotional meltdown while talking about a friend that I miss terribly. He was someone that was always there when I needed him but it was me that placed a wedge between us in attempt to distance myself from him. One of the biggest mistakes of my life. 

The expression says “you don’t know what you’ve got until it’s gone”, well I know what I have in her as a friend, which is why this is so emotionally difficult. My plan of action is simple:
– Enjoy every second we have together before she leaves.
– Take plenty of pictures.
– Let the tears flow as needed (I need to try to remember not to wear mascara the day before she leaves). Tears Dry On Their Own (RIP Amy Winehouse)
– Plan trips to New York (awww how miserable for me)
– Appreciate having friendships so lovingly precious that life experiences like these are this painful.

We are Linked in friendship, motherhood and down right fabulousness!!!

The highs and lows of friendship.

I wouldn’t trade it for anything, I’m honored for my many blessings of friendship. Take a few seconds today to reflect on the wonderful friends in your life.

On The Day You Were Born

‎6 years ago thanks to God’s blessing, Tyrone’s love and an amazing team of doctors and nurses, my son was born!   As he and I say to each other at night: “I love you to infinity and beyond, and then some…and then a lotta some!!!”  And nothing could be further from the truth, that is just how much I love him!!

Today has been a day filled with fun, excitement, energy, emotions and of course reflections.  My parents made my brother and I feel so special on our birthdays that we could have easily believed our birthdays were international holidays; and that is no different than how I want my son to feel on his special day.  Of course children love gifts, honestly adults love them too.  But when I think back about my birthdays, I can’t remember every gift I was given, but I can remember my mother coming to school and setting up  class parties for my special day, or my dad leading the ‘Going on a Bear Hunt’ story for one of my parties, or the only surprise party I’ve had in my life when I turned 13.  I remember my parents making me wait a little while in the car before getting out for school, because they called the radio station to give me a birthday shout out.  Things like that are what I remember and that is what I want for my son as well.  I want him to remember the love of family and friends that surrounded him for his special days, birthdays as well as other major individual accomplishments.

As today passed, there were moments when I remembered what was going on at that time 6 years ago.  Some of those were moments of indescribable excitement and some were of the worst fears a mother waiting to give birth could hear.  I remember the first time I laid eyes on his face, the brutally agonizing length of time before I could see him after recovery, the first time I touched him, which was simultaneous with the first time I cried after he was born.  I remember the first time I held him, my first time trying to feed, and I could go on and on. 

Well I flash forward today to the wonderfully intelligent, well mannered, hilarious, kind, outgoing, sports loving, boy that he is today and I can’t help but to become overwhelmed with emotions.  His smile melts my heart, his laughter is music to my ears and his hugs and kisses fill my soul with an undescribable warmth.  Simply put I LOVE THAT BOY!!!!

Shortly after he was born, I found a book that I knew I had to buy based on the title alone, ‘On The Day You Were Born’.  I’ve read that book to him a few times in between the obvious days, his birthday and Mother’s Day.  Words can’t accurately depict the emotions that I felt and would imagine other parents feel on that special day, but this book comes pretty damn close.  Tonight I read the book to him, he finished it by reading the last page (which of course made me burst into full tears) and then we followed that with our night time lullaby and expressions of love. 

Below are the last three pages of the book, On The Day You Were Born (with some relative edits to make it fit the day he was born),  followed by the expression of love we share to each other:

“On the day you were born

the Earth turned, the Moon pulled,

the Sun flared, and, then with a pull (push),

you were pulled out of the dark quiet

where suddenly you could hear….

a circle of people saying

with voices familiar and clear.

“Welcome to the spinning world,” the people sang, as they washed your new, tiny hands.

“Welcome to the green Earth,” the people sang, as they wrapped your wet, slippery body.

And as they held you close they whispered into your open, curving ear,

“We are so glad you’ve come!”

My son, because of you, I continue to be amazed, inspired, uplifted, motivated and thankful for all of the things that you’ve brought into your parent’s lives.  You are the blessing that we wanted but never could have imagined that it would have been as great as the one we received.

I am honored to have the title Mommy and don’t take for granted any of the rights, priviledges and most importantly responsibilities that come along with such an esteemed role.  My hope is that the tsunami of love my parents have and continue to give to me, I can at least give to you, if not enough for a flood so that you will feel washed in love for my time on this Earth. 

MOMMY LOVES YOU!!

As our lullaby and words of expression go,

You are my son-shine, my only son-shine so please don’t take Mommy’s son-shine away.

“I love you to infinity and beyond, and then some…..and then a lotta some.” ~Mommy and Son

 

 

My Birthday Trip To ‘Never Land’

Yesterday was the last day of March, which marks the end of my month long 35th Fabulous Birthday Celebration.  Yes, I celebrated my birthday for the entire month and of course loved every minute of it!  What a celebration it was! On the day of my birthday, some of my best friends came in town from DC and Atlanta to help me celebrate; and we did just that, beginning at 9:00 am at my parent’s home!  We spent the day hanging out and later that night, more friends joined in helping me celebrate at a birthday party one of my friends threw in my honor.  We had a weekend of nothing but good times.  Bigger than it being a milestone birthday was the fact that my entire day was spent with people and receiving birthday love from people that love and deeply care for me.  In the past year I have often reflected and shared with others about how wonderfully blessed I am to have the best family and friends anyone in the world could ever want.  And nothing could be closer to the truth than that!  The month long celebration also included celebrating with other fellow Pisces at a fundraiser out of town, a delicious and very hilarious brunch with girlfriends, cupcakes at work, a night of his Purple Majesty (Prince) and the release of the iPad 2(Yeah, that had to be mentioned.  I’m loving mine!!). Although March is gone, there is something that I’ve carried into April that wasn’t even around on the first of March.  What I thought was a gift that I was giving myself  turned out to be a completely different gift all on it’s own.

We all know the saying, “Never say never.” and understand its meaning.  Even though that is a very well known phrase and one that makes complete sense, some of us have things that we without a doubt feel are definite nevers; present company included.  Well in the midst of celebrating I decided to throw caution to the wind and contradict myself.  My gift to myself was the permission to do something I never thought I would and be ok with it. 

With my permission slip signed, I went on my field trip to ‘Never Land’.  Once I arrived onto park grounds, I went to the ticket window where instead of getting a basic general admission ticket, I was handed a VIP pass and told the park was all mine to enjoy.  Having VIP access to just about anything is pretty exciting, but this pass didn’t evoke those feelings of excitement because I had no idea of what to expect with that access.  As a matter of fact, the only thing I walked into the park expecting, was knowing I was going to be walking out of the park with an experience I previously said I would never have. 

So what was said experience like?  Let me put it like this, the ride I actually ended up on, was no where close to the one I thought I stood in line for.  Since I hadn’t been to this amusement park before I tried to keep my expectations low to avoid being disappointed.  Since this was something I said I would never do, eventhough I didn’t know exactly what it would be like, I did assume/expect it to be something that wasn’t toward the top of my list of enjoyable things.  Let alone did I think it would have been something I would possibly do again, which is a big extreme from something I said I would never do. 

Lots of people that visit amusement parks are happy to leave with a ridiculously oversized stuffed animal.  Me, I’m happy with the daily smile and inner glow that came from not only trying something new that was for myself, but also as the result of an outcome that was quite the opposite of my assumptions. 

It was a Facebook status on a friend’s page that made me realize just how special my birthdate is.  My birthdate, March 4th, is the only date in the year that gives us a command/directive….March forth (4th).  So with that, take at least one trip and March 4th into ‘Never Land’; who knows, it might be there that you find your ‘Happily Ever After’. 

*FYI-Mom, Dad and anyone else wondering, no my ‘experience’ wasn’t anything illegal.

What I’ve Learned In 35 Years

My friend, Mariesol, accepted my challenge to do something for herself everyday and then issued the challenge to her friends.  They now text each other daily to share what they’ve done for themselves each day.  Recently Mariesol celebrated her 35th birthday and shared her reflections on the first 35 years of her life.  Below is her list of thirty five things she has learned.  Mariesol, thank you for allowing me to share this. 

What have you learned in your life so far?

Mariesol’s Life Lessons:

 Not sure why this birthday brought some reflection into the last 35 years…maybe because it is 35 ! How did I get here so quickly!? 

So here is what I hold true at 35 years old: 

1. There is a Higher Power. When I listen, I am at peace. When I don’t listen…I pay for it in a BIG way !

2. My family and my parents hold the lessons and the truth that is me. 

3. It is a risk to love, a bigger risk to NOT love.

4. Every person enters my life for a reason. I can tell you something I have learned from all of my friends and family.

5. When romantic love ends or fades, it is respect and admiration that keep people together. Without respect…you may as well just leave.

6. It is ok for friendships to change and evolve. We grow apart, grow back together, then apart again…true friends are never throw away…we just allow the evolution to happen and are at peace with it. No love lost. Not ever.

7. Find what you love before choosing a career.

8. Be good to yourself. It gives other an example on how to treat you.

9. Put yourself 2nd on you list. Put God first.

10. Be able to say “No’ and not feel guilty

11. Be able to say “yes” and not feel obligated.

12. At work, always ask for more money…becasue they are gonna make you work for it anyway !

13. Drink more water than you think you should.

14. Take a nap as often as possible – or just rest. Take a break

15. Mistakes are gonna be made. Don’t beat yourself up over it. Just keep moving.

16. Don’t let others judge or label you. That is in their heads…not yours

17. Get your side hustle on…and when you’re ready, turn the side hustle into the full time hustle…if you choose to.

18. Choose peace

19. Learn to be still

20. Be honest with your short comings. Commit to working on you if you want a different outcome

21. Spend your free time with people that allow you to be free. Free to be who you are.

22. Surround yourself with people that have good energy. When the energy is off…get away FAST !

23. Don’t allow someone else’s bad energy to mess yours up

24. It is better to allow another person to be themselves. If you want everyone to agree with you, choose to be alone.

25. Eat food that is good. Don’t over do it but indulge every once in awhile

26. Blast your favorite music on the way to work, dance in the car, in the parking garage…do whatever you need to to start the day off happy.

27. Enjoy outdoors. Nature has a way of getting you closer to God. Be amazed by the ocean, the trees, the rain, the thunder etc

28. The painful parts of life hold a lesson and truth that is revealed to you when you are ready to accept it. That truth is usually about you, not another person.

29. Play and spend more time with your children and family. The work, the laundry, the cleaning up can wait.

30. Choose to forgive. Choose it everyday. Forgive yourself for bad choices. Accept the consequences. Keep it moving…it is just a blip in the movie of your life.

31. If you choose wrong, choose again.

32. Save as much money as you can.

33. Spoil yourself when you can

34. If a person wants to leave you…let them. 

35. Find joy in each day. 

My life is sweet and blessed. I am happy. I choose it. Everyday is not always perfect but still…I am blessed. I thank God for it all, for every person, every experience.